The Person You’re Dating May Love You — but Do They Like You?

Being excited about your relationship is a good thing . . . until that excitement stops you from seeing how your partner really feels about you in return. In a new wave of social media trends, many people on the internet have taken it upon themselves to break the not-so-nice news to viral bystanders that their partner may not actually like them.

Example A: this seemingly innocent TikTok of a woman surprising her boyfriend on New Year's Eve. When she walked into the room, laughing with her arms outstretched, her boyfriend looked uncomfortable, like he was being pranked. On TikTok, it led to dozens of stitches gaining millions of views with commentators noticing the frosty welcome and red flags.

On the R/TrueOffMyChest subreddit, Redditors consoled an upset wife after she claimed her husband didn't take her sickness seriously enough when it could've killed her. She didn't feel well and asked him to come home from work, but every time she called to check where he was, he kept pushing off her concerns and telling her he was on the way.

Even on the most recent season of "Southern Charm," Shep Rose chased Sienna Evans, a new romantic partner, with such unreciprocated affection that his entire friend group got secondhand embarrassment. As fellow cast member Craig Conover told the cameras, it doesn't "take a rocket scientist to see that she doesn't like him." Unfortunately, this was obvious to everyone but Rose.

Of course, dating and relationships are all about love, so how is it possible that so many people end up with someone who might not even like them? According to relationship expert Jeannelle Perkins, PhD, LMFT, who goes by Dr. Jeannelle, it could be because of complacency. "In some cases, people stay because they hope their feelings will grow over time or because they don't want to hurt the other person by leaving," she says.

So how do you make sure your partner actually likes you? Without being explicitly told by internet BFFs, it could be easy to miss the signs. Fortunately, if your friends and family are convinced you're wearing rose-colored glasses, they're probably on to something — here's what Dr. Jeannelle says to look out for.

Experts Featured in This Article

Jeannelle Perkins, PhD, LMFT, is a relationship expert and psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience in relationship and life coaching.

How to Know If You're Dating Someone Who Doesn't Like You

An important part of any relationship is making sure your partner likes you, even if there is love there. "Lack of effort, rarely initiating conversations, canceling plans, or seeming indifferent to spending time together" should not be the norm in a mutually appreciative relationship, Dr. Jeannelle says. Chances are, you're probably dating someone who doesn't like you if "they become easily irritated by things you say or do, criticize you more often, or seem generally disinterested in your happiness," Dr. Jeannelle says.

This is what one TikToker picked up on when she bumped into a random couple at the airport. When the content creator heard the woman's boyfriend telling her she didn't need another book in the souvenir shop, she told the woman, "You deserve it," and bought it for her instead. "Basically he hates her, and he should have just said that," one commenter wrote after watching. Another user applauded the TikToker for giving a stranger clarity on the relationship.

Even worse than picking on your hobbies, if your partner reacts to a well-planned grand romantic gesture by "showing little to no affection" or not using "body language [that] radiates warmth and admiration," this should get your alarm bells ringing loudly.

That said, if you know your judgment is skewed by how much you like your partner, Dr. Jeannelle suggests asking yourself, "How do they make you feel? Do you feel valued and appreciated or dismissed and insecure? Are they consistent, or does their interest fade in private?" She also has a test to lean on when in doubt. "Try imagining what would happen if you stopped putting in effort — would they reach out, or would the relationship fade?" she asks. If these answers "reveal a pattern of neglect, disinterest, or emotional unavailability," then think about what you would advise a friend or loved one to do if they were in your shoes.

OK, They Don't Like You. Now What?

If you've come to the sad realization that your person doesn't like you as much as you like them, understand that it's not because something is wrong with you. It could just be that you're not in the right relationship. After all, staying in a relationship "out of convenience" or to "enjoy certain benefits — such as emotional support, companionship, or physical intimacy" isn't a solid foundation to grow together, Dr. Jeannelle points out.

But if you're still not wanting to break up, Dr. Jeannelle suggests communicating with your partner about how you feel. Instead of directly asking them if they like you, she suggests starting off the conversation with questions like, "How do you feel about where we're at?" or "I really care about you, and I want to understand how you see our connection. Do you feel happy with me?" to get on the same page.

If open, vulnerable conversation doesn't resolve the issue, then it may be time to call it quits. Breaking up with someone who says they like you but continues to show you that they don't isn't easy, but being direct but compassionate and focusing on your own emotions rather than debating their feelings is the key.

At the end of the day, if your partner isn't looking at you as lovingly as Ariana Grande admires Cynthia Erivo, it might be time to reevaluate things. Though there are a lot of complex issues worth working through in a relationship, incompatibility at the core is something you're most likely not going to fix.

Marissa Dow is a walking pop culture encyclopedia and esteemed Bravo historian who currently brings her talents to Betches, Overstimulated (her ridiculously niche reality TV and romcom Substack), and podcasts everywhere. Marissa is also an up-and-coming screenwriter with television and film projects in development.